Children of the Night rescues children and women from sex trafficking, and get them the medical and mental treatment they need after years of extreme abuse and trauma.
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Hotline: 800-551-1300 24/7
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I blamed myself, as most victims do.
Toxic, sick, and abusive people count on us to blame and shame ourselves, as this allows them to gain even more control over us.
In both coaching and mentoring thousands of survivors…the common emotion is a deep shame. It can sound like this:
“What am I doing to attract these toxic people into my life?”
“Maybe if I wasn’t so ________ this wouldn’t have happened.”
“I’m such an idiot for not seeing these red flags!”
It’s healthy to reflect on what you can do differently going forward, but when it comes with the defeating energy of BLAME, we end up abusing ourselves.
As long as we keep doing this, it gives the toxic person power over our own lives.
You didn’t ask for this abuse.
This isn’t your fault.
You don’t think like a sick abuser, so it would be nearly impossible for you to see this coming.
I snuck out my window to go to a party at 15 years old. I was dressed like a typical teen trying to look like a 21-year-old. I got drunk with the alcohol he bought me (I chose to drink it). He raped me. Then hours later drove me home, and told me to “sleep well.” I snuck back through the window.
Do you think this was my fault?
To remove the shame, you must stop beating yourself up for it. To regain your life, you must remove the shame.
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